October 10, 2015;

You know it is really weird how two weeks can change everything in your life.  Honestly two days can which is even crazier.  Still the amount of things that have changed for me in the last two weeks since I last posted seem nuts to me. 

I just have to say that I am honestly happier right now than I have been in a while.  Not to say that I haven't been happy or anything, because I definitely have been, but just some of the events that have happened in my life the last couple of days actually just have made me utterly fantastic.  For once my life actually feels like it might be in order, yeah I am working a LOT (almost 43 hours this week) and yeah I still have crazy amounts of school work going on right now, but everything feels right.  I don't really know how to explain it without going into immense detail which I don't feel like doing at the moment, but for the first time in almost two years everything feels like it is in line and like it is actually headed in the correct direction and might not veer off for once.

I know that was vague and this is short, but it is also not like too many people actually pay attention to this and read it all.  If you do, and you actually know me and want to know more then yeah I probably can fill you in on more of this, but right now I am going to just keep details to myself.

"She didn't need to be saved. She needed to be found and appreciated, for exactly who she was." - Unknown

September 25, 2015;

Wow, I am sorry that it has been so long since I last posted.  School and work combined this year are really just pushing me and I don't have a lot of free time when after you factor those two things in.  I am taking 18 credit hours this semester at school and then I work between 30-39 hours a week, but it is normally up between 37-39 and that is killing me.  I recently have told my manager that I need to get back down to the lower 30s because these last two weeks if I didn't have some really awesome friends who let me use their study guides I probably would have failed all of the tests that I had.

Anyway, when I do have free time which is usually about once a week I am normally trying to catch up on all my homework which can be a struggle in itself.  I also spend quite a bit of time with Corey when it is possible, we both work such busy schedules that sometimes it is only for an hour or two after one of us gets off work (usually after I get off work because I get off later), but it is working out.

Speaking of classes though, mine are going well.  Like I said, I am so thankful that I have friends who are willing to help me out when I am so busy because otherwise I would be doing far worse in all of my classes I almost guarantee it.  But I have A's in all my classes but one which is all messed up because of a quiz that I did really bad on, but that'll be okay after this test for that class that I took today gets graded because I'm fairly sure that I did well on it.

Anyway, I don't know too much else other than I am extremely exhausted because I didn't sleep too well last night and what I did sleep about three hours of it I had big black Labrador feet in my back.  I am very ready to be able to sleep in tomorrow for the first time in a while!

"I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream." - Vincent Van Gogh

August 11, 2015;

It has been a month since I posted last because I'm the worst! A lot of stuff has happened since I last posted. It has been a crazy month to be quite honest, but I have loved everything about it because it has been a heck of a time.

Let's list a few things:

• I guiltily got Tinder again. 
• I turned twenty-one! 
• I went to my sixth Warped Tour. 
• That Tinder turned into a date.
• That date turned into more dates.
• Those dates turned into a relationship. 

 So, that has been my life in the last month and it has been fantastic.  I have been all over the place, spent so much money on gas and I just don't even know how to talk about all of it because it has just been too nice to put into words.

Have a quote:

"Like wildflowers; You must allow yourself to grow in all the places people though you never would." - E.V.

July 11, 2015;

A few blog posts ago I talked about having a better time with experiences than with actual objects and tangible items. Well, last night I got to have another one of those experiences! I went to the Aaron Gillespie and William Beckett concert which I have had tickets for for quite a long time so that was really exciting.  I went with my mom which was a lot of fun because she hasn't been to a concert with me in a long time.

I just want to say that it was the most laid back concert that I have ever been to.  The guys were selling their own merchandise and having genuine conversations with each other and it was seriously the best thing that could be happening at any show. I finally got to meet William which is insane because the first time that I say him perform was a little over seven years ago in 2008 at my first Warped Tour when he was with The Academy Is... I learned he is a Parks and Recreation fan which made me even more excited.  I even got one of his shirts which has Ron Swanson on it and says Ron Swanson Approved.  It is too big though so it is going to be a sleep shirt unless I re-purpose it and deconstruct then reconstruct it to make it fit better which I might do in the future but not yet.  He also signed a poster for me.  Then I also go Aaron's signature on my ticket so it was a good time.

There weren't a lot of people there which really surprised me. I mean it made it so it wasn't super crowded which was nice but I almost feel bad when there isn't a better turnout than there was, but it was still a really awesome show that they put on.  I met another girl who was just as excited about meeting William as I was and we followed each other on Twitter to keep track of each other.  That is another thing that I just love about concerts because I have quite a few friends who are just people that I met at a concert.

Both William and Aaron played songs that I wanted to hear which made me really happy because no matter what the show is obviously going to be great if they are great musicians, but when you have a specific song that you want to hear and then you don't get to hear that song it is a little bit disappointing.  I didn't have to worry about that though which made me really happy.

Anyway, we didn't get back to my aunt's until about 1:30 and then I didn't get to sleep until about 2 only to have to get up at 6:15 because I had to drive almost an hour and a half back this morning because I had to work.  I was really tired all day while at work so when I got off I took an almost hour and a half nap once I was home.  Nothing else has really been going on I just needed to share the fantastic concert.

"I just want to go on more adventures. Be around good energy. Connect with people. Learn new things. Grow." - Unknown

July 2, 2015;

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately.  I really don't know where these thoughts are sparking from, but I know that I have been having them.  I also know that at least one of them is something that someone is going to read and be like "Okay, you need to rethink that." or "You just aren't old enough to understand what you want."

These things have been ideas about what I see in my future for things such as marriage and children.  We grow up in a society that pushes marriage and children on everyone who is a part of it, and up until maybe a few months ago, I didn't really even think a thing of it even though we talked about it in short spurts during my sociology class the fall semester of my sophomore year (last fall).

Lately things have been going through my head and here is a few of those things.  If you know anything about me then you know I have been married before.  I got married when I was seventeen and that obviously ended in divorce.  Okay, no big deal (at least not anymore) it was just something that happened, but it is something that will never define me.  Lately though, I have been thinking about being married, not because I am looking to get married again any time soon, which is exactly what I want to talk about.  Honestly I don't even know if I would care to get married if I found someone else who felt the exact same way.  Like the only reason I think you need to get married is if you are looking for the legal opportunities, because to me if you care about the person then what is written doesn't matter.  That may seem crazy to some people, but lately it has been my thought.  I also have been thinking that if I do get married then I don't want another big wedding.  There are a few reasons for this. 

1. They are a pain in the ass to plan
2. They can honestly just be completely stressful
3. They are really just for the show and not really anything to do with the couple themselves, it's mostly about the pictures.

For me, if I get married again, I want it to be a small wedding with just close family and a very few close close friends. Nothing extravagant, nothing crazy, nothing huge. I want something small and intimate.

The second thing that is probably the even more controversial topic that I am going to get to is children. It came up in a conversation (which I don't even remember what led to it) about me saying I don't know if I want children. They said something about how they felt the could be happy with kids that weren't biologically their own.  This made me think about it in another light, because I feel sometimes I want children, but other times I just don't know.  To think about how I would feel about adopting children changed my mindset completely.

There are so many children out there who do not have families. I think that I could honestly be more fulfilled to have a child who wasn't my own if I knew that I was going to be giving that child a loving and safe home.  I didn't ever think that was what I would be thinking because growing up I thought that I wanted to have three kids and adoption was never something that I ever had in my brain.  Really though, I think that I would be more than happy to give a child and amazing, loving, safe home rather than having my own children.

Now that is the topic that I feel someone is going to be like you aren't old enough to make that decision yet, you don't know what you are talking about blah blah blah... But you have to hear me out.  I do know that the world is currently over populated and that there are many children who are in the foster care system.  To back that up here is a statistic I pulled from the Congressional Correlation on Adoption Institution (CCAI):

In the U.S. 397,122 children are living without permanent families in the foster care system. 101,666 of these children are eligible for adoption, but nearly 32% of these children will wait over three years in foster care before being adopted.

That seems insane to me. The fact that there are that many children in the United States ALONE even furthers my thoughts on adoption.  I don't see why I couldn't be fulfilled in having a child who may not biologically be my own, but I could still love just as much as if they were.

So before telling me that I don't know for sure what I want think about all of the factors. Also remember, you aren't me. And I will admit, that I may change my mind in the future, and I can't say that I won't because the future holds so many things that I don't know right now, and that isn't a bad thing.  Right now this is what I know and this is what I feel though, and I think that should be enough.

June 26, 2015;

First of all: LOVE WINS! Like I was so excited to find this morning when I woke up that the supreme court had ruled that the ban on marriage equality as unconstitutional! I am so happy to be living in a country that finally allows it.  It was a long road and took a while to get down it but I am so glad that we finally have. 

Second: I locked my keys in the car today.  To make it even better, I didn't have a spare at the time, and I was in Boonville at Wal-Mart.  Luckily I now know that the Boonville police will come and unlock the car with only a signature from you.  I am so thankful for that.  I also got an extra key made for it just so I have it and can't do that again.  But it was just a mess because it had already been a long day. 

Third: Corey and I played a prank on Liam at work today.  It was seriously one of the best things that happened all day long and I really can't believe that he believed us. 

I really have nothing else to say about today besides those three things.  So since I didn't give you a quote yesterday, have two today!

"I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream." - Vincent Van Gogh

"Do not chase people. Work hard and be you. The right people who belong in your life will come and find you and stay. Do your thing." - Unknown

June 25, 2015;

So the last couple of days have been interesting.  If you know me then you know everything that has been going on.   I am not going to go into too much detail about it right now,  but let's just say I was having a rough time a few days ago,  but I am getting better. 

I will say that I am definitely only doing so well because I have the friends that I have because without them in my life I don't know what I would do.   I made an unexpected trip Monday night to see a someone who I normally get to see maybe two times a year sometimes three if I am really lucky, and it was really a good thing for me even though leaving to drive two hours at 10:30 at night is a crazy thing that I will not be doing very often.  It was a great time though so I am very glad I gave in and went ahead and went.  

The only other thing that is happening right now is that I am working lots of hours,  I am going to betting a lovely sized check tomorrow with payday so I am not going to complain about it at all.   Today is my only day off so my dad came up to see my apartment and we went to lunch before he had to head back home.   Nothing else is happening.   I am typing from my phone (well actually my Bluetooth keyboard - that the same friend who I went to see in KC got me)  so I am not going to have a quote for you this post.  Again I am so thankful for my friends that I have because I don't know what I would do without them.