It's been a long time since I wrote on this blog, but mostly because my life with school and work has just been overwhelming... If I didn't have something so specific that I felt I needed to write about today then I probably wouldn't be writing today either.
Yesterday (April 21st), I went to a concert. Surprise. That's not what I want to talk about. While I was walking to the venue and man on a bike came up to me and stopped handing me a paper about how he was deaf and homeless, and really all he had was his bike. He was asking for money.
While I have always been someone who was very into helping people, giving out money to random people has never been something that I have done in my life. Something inside of me told me something different this time. Now, I don't carry much cash with me every because I am a horrible person and will spend it all without second thought, but I happened to have a single dollar in my wallet. With no hesitation or second thought this time I reached in my wallet and I pulled out that dollar and gave it to him. He quickly signed thank you, and because of the show Switched at Birth I was able to sign your welcome back.
Then today I met a friend for dinner and then we went to get her a new purse. Now there is one intersection that almost always has someone sitting with a sign saying "Anything helps" or something along those lines. Normally I never even look over at them, a sense of I am avoiding eye contact or something. Maybe that is just a sense of the "Don't talk to strangers" that you are taught as a child still in me, maybe it is something else. Leaving though, there was a man sitting with a sign, and I pulled up first to the light right as it turned red... Like I said normally I wouldn't even take a glance over at the person, but today I did. Today I looked over and I saw what looked like pain and sadness in this man's eyes and my heart sunk. I quickly dug the change I had in my center console out, which probably was only like $0.75-$1, but I did it anyway. I rolled down my window and quickly gave it to him before the light could turn green. He just like the man yesterday signed thank you too me in sign language... I'm not entirely sure he was completely deaf because I feel like he heard me say that it was all I had, but I hoped it helped, but maybe he just saw me shuffling as I rolled down the window to lean out, I don't know.
Now, there is probably someone who is thinking "What if they were just panhandlers, what if they didn't need this money? What if they are just going to go spend it on booze?" and my only response is, I have no way of knowing. I have no way of knowing if they make money some other way and they really don't need it, but I also have no way of knowing what they possibly could be going through if their lives aren't going well. I don't regret it at all. I don't regret giving them that money. If both of them were just scamming me then damn I lost two dollars tops, but if they both really did need it then maybe even that tiny little bit of money that I had in my bag or in my car was something that will be able to help them get some water or a sandwich off the dollar menu at McDonalds. If they spend it on booze so be it... All I know is that I did what in my heart felt like the only logical thing that I could have done in these last few days and I am proud to have let myself.
