August 11, 2015;

It has been a month since I posted last because I'm the worst! A lot of stuff has happened since I last posted. It has been a crazy month to be quite honest, but I have loved everything about it because it has been a heck of a time.

Let's list a few things:

• I guiltily got Tinder again. 
• I turned twenty-one! 
• I went to my sixth Warped Tour. 
• That Tinder turned into a date.
• That date turned into more dates.
• Those dates turned into a relationship. 

 So, that has been my life in the last month and it has been fantastic.  I have been all over the place, spent so much money on gas and I just don't even know how to talk about all of it because it has just been too nice to put into words.

Have a quote:

"Like wildflowers; You must allow yourself to grow in all the places people though you never would." - E.V.

July 11, 2015;

A few blog posts ago I talked about having a better time with experiences than with actual objects and tangible items. Well, last night I got to have another one of those experiences! I went to the Aaron Gillespie and William Beckett concert which I have had tickets for for quite a long time so that was really exciting.  I went with my mom which was a lot of fun because she hasn't been to a concert with me in a long time.

I just want to say that it was the most laid back concert that I have ever been to.  The guys were selling their own merchandise and having genuine conversations with each other and it was seriously the best thing that could be happening at any show. I finally got to meet William which is insane because the first time that I say him perform was a little over seven years ago in 2008 at my first Warped Tour when he was with The Academy Is... I learned he is a Parks and Recreation fan which made me even more excited.  I even got one of his shirts which has Ron Swanson on it and says Ron Swanson Approved.  It is too big though so it is going to be a sleep shirt unless I re-purpose it and deconstruct then reconstruct it to make it fit better which I might do in the future but not yet.  He also signed a poster for me.  Then I also go Aaron's signature on my ticket so it was a good time.

There weren't a lot of people there which really surprised me. I mean it made it so it wasn't super crowded which was nice but I almost feel bad when there isn't a better turnout than there was, but it was still a really awesome show that they put on.  I met another girl who was just as excited about meeting William as I was and we followed each other on Twitter to keep track of each other.  That is another thing that I just love about concerts because I have quite a few friends who are just people that I met at a concert.

Both William and Aaron played songs that I wanted to hear which made me really happy because no matter what the show is obviously going to be great if they are great musicians, but when you have a specific song that you want to hear and then you don't get to hear that song it is a little bit disappointing.  I didn't have to worry about that though which made me really happy.

Anyway, we didn't get back to my aunt's until about 1:30 and then I didn't get to sleep until about 2 only to have to get up at 6:15 because I had to drive almost an hour and a half back this morning because I had to work.  I was really tired all day while at work so when I got off I took an almost hour and a half nap once I was home.  Nothing else has really been going on I just needed to share the fantastic concert.

"I just want to go on more adventures. Be around good energy. Connect with people. Learn new things. Grow." - Unknown

July 2, 2015;

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately.  I really don't know where these thoughts are sparking from, but I know that I have been having them.  I also know that at least one of them is something that someone is going to read and be like "Okay, you need to rethink that." or "You just aren't old enough to understand what you want."

These things have been ideas about what I see in my future for things such as marriage and children.  We grow up in a society that pushes marriage and children on everyone who is a part of it, and up until maybe a few months ago, I didn't really even think a thing of it even though we talked about it in short spurts during my sociology class the fall semester of my sophomore year (last fall).

Lately things have been going through my head and here is a few of those things.  If you know anything about me then you know I have been married before.  I got married when I was seventeen and that obviously ended in divorce.  Okay, no big deal (at least not anymore) it was just something that happened, but it is something that will never define me.  Lately though, I have been thinking about being married, not because I am looking to get married again any time soon, which is exactly what I want to talk about.  Honestly I don't even know if I would care to get married if I found someone else who felt the exact same way.  Like the only reason I think you need to get married is if you are looking for the legal opportunities, because to me if you care about the person then what is written doesn't matter.  That may seem crazy to some people, but lately it has been my thought.  I also have been thinking that if I do get married then I don't want another big wedding.  There are a few reasons for this. 

1. They are a pain in the ass to plan
2. They can honestly just be completely stressful
3. They are really just for the show and not really anything to do with the couple themselves, it's mostly about the pictures.

For me, if I get married again, I want it to be a small wedding with just close family and a very few close close friends. Nothing extravagant, nothing crazy, nothing huge. I want something small and intimate.

The second thing that is probably the even more controversial topic that I am going to get to is children. It came up in a conversation (which I don't even remember what led to it) about me saying I don't know if I want children. They said something about how they felt the could be happy with kids that weren't biologically their own.  This made me think about it in another light, because I feel sometimes I want children, but other times I just don't know.  To think about how I would feel about adopting children changed my mindset completely.

There are so many children out there who do not have families. I think that I could honestly be more fulfilled to have a child who wasn't my own if I knew that I was going to be giving that child a loving and safe home.  I didn't ever think that was what I would be thinking because growing up I thought that I wanted to have three kids and adoption was never something that I ever had in my brain.  Really though, I think that I would be more than happy to give a child and amazing, loving, safe home rather than having my own children.

Now that is the topic that I feel someone is going to be like you aren't old enough to make that decision yet, you don't know what you are talking about blah blah blah... But you have to hear me out.  I do know that the world is currently over populated and that there are many children who are in the foster care system.  To back that up here is a statistic I pulled from the Congressional Correlation on Adoption Institution (CCAI):

In the U.S. 397,122 children are living without permanent families in the foster care system. 101,666 of these children are eligible for adoption, but nearly 32% of these children will wait over three years in foster care before being adopted.

That seems insane to me. The fact that there are that many children in the United States ALONE even furthers my thoughts on adoption.  I don't see why I couldn't be fulfilled in having a child who may not biologically be my own, but I could still love just as much as if they were.

So before telling me that I don't know for sure what I want think about all of the factors. Also remember, you aren't me. And I will admit, that I may change my mind in the future, and I can't say that I won't because the future holds so many things that I don't know right now, and that isn't a bad thing.  Right now this is what I know and this is what I feel though, and I think that should be enough.

June 26, 2015;

First of all: LOVE WINS! Like I was so excited to find this morning when I woke up that the supreme court had ruled that the ban on marriage equality as unconstitutional! I am so happy to be living in a country that finally allows it.  It was a long road and took a while to get down it but I am so glad that we finally have. 

Second: I locked my keys in the car today.  To make it even better, I didn't have a spare at the time, and I was in Boonville at Wal-Mart.  Luckily I now know that the Boonville police will come and unlock the car with only a signature from you.  I am so thankful for that.  I also got an extra key made for it just so I have it and can't do that again.  But it was just a mess because it had already been a long day. 

Third: Corey and I played a prank on Liam at work today.  It was seriously one of the best things that happened all day long and I really can't believe that he believed us. 

I really have nothing else to say about today besides those three things.  So since I didn't give you a quote yesterday, have two today!

"I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream." - Vincent Van Gogh

"Do not chase people. Work hard and be you. The right people who belong in your life will come and find you and stay. Do your thing." - Unknown

June 25, 2015;

So the last couple of days have been interesting.  If you know me then you know everything that has been going on.   I am not going to go into too much detail about it right now,  but let's just say I was having a rough time a few days ago,  but I am getting better. 

I will say that I am definitely only doing so well because I have the friends that I have because without them in my life I don't know what I would do.   I made an unexpected trip Monday night to see a someone who I normally get to see maybe two times a year sometimes three if I am really lucky, and it was really a good thing for me even though leaving to drive two hours at 10:30 at night is a crazy thing that I will not be doing very often.  It was a great time though so I am very glad I gave in and went ahead and went.  

The only other thing that is happening right now is that I am working lots of hours,  I am going to betting a lovely sized check tomorrow with payday so I am not going to complain about it at all.   Today is my only day off so my dad came up to see my apartment and we went to lunch before he had to head back home.   Nothing else is happening.   I am typing from my phone (well actually my Bluetooth keyboard - that the same friend who I went to see in KC got me)  so I am not going to have a quote for you this post.  Again I am so thankful for my friends that I have because I don't know what I would do without them.

June 20, 2015;

The other day I was talking to one of my best friends about a Halloween costume which led to me saying something about probably not needing one this year because I was most likely going to a concert.  This led him to say that I'm always going to a concert and my only response was because they make me happy.

This made me think though. I thought about all the concerts I've been to - which is enough that I can't count them on both of my hands. The amount of money that I, my friends, my boyfriend at the time, or my family has spent on the tickets and transportation to get me to these said concert venues. It made me think about what else that money could have bought me. what material things I could have had if I hadn't gone to those concerts.

Also though, it made me think of the experiences I have gained from the concerts. The car rides with friends where I've laughed and talked about so many things both to and from. Screaming at the top of my lungs either at the end of a song or lyrics to said song. Meeting new people who are now some of my best friends. Meeting members of bands who I've loved for years, getting signatures, pictures, hugs, and even having conversations with them at times. It was at a concert that I fell in love with the work that To Write Love On Her Arms does. It was at a concert where I really first realized that it was okay to be myself.

Then I think about the feeling that concerts give me. They really do make me happy. They make me feel alive. They make me feel accepted. I know that I'm a part of a fan base that also lives for the music we are listening to. When I'm in a crowd my claustrophobia doesn't kick in like it does in other crammed spaces or areas. I feel like I can breathe better in the environments of being surrounded by people who love music like I do.

And thinking about experience verses material objects I realize that all the money which has been spent on me going to concerts outweighs all the material objects I could have ever laid my hands on. It may be difficult for some people to understand that but that's okay that's just their way of living. I know that some people value the idea of things, but I value the idea of experiences. The idea of travel and concerts and shows and charity work. I would much rather have a memory and maybe a picture to show it all here or there than have some item which I may keep for some amount of time, but may not last forever. The memories will last, at least until I start to forget everything because of some other cause.

So would I trade all my experiences? Never. Am I okay with that? Absolutely.

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink the wild air." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

June 11, 2015;

This post is going to be something that with some people out there is a very controversial subject to express, but it is something I believe in so I'm going to do it.

As you may or may not know June is LGBT Pride Month.  If you know me, you would know that I very much am in support of marriage equality and I hope that before too long everywhere will recognize same-sex marriage especially in the United States, just because I live here and I have friends who are in same-sex relationships, and I fully believe that everyone deserves to be treated with the same respects and that everyone should be allowed to get married because same-sex marriage to me is just marriage.  We don't call it opposite-sex marriage, and I think that we should stop. 

I think that this is something that I surround myself with the people who agree with my beliefs and also believe in it as well which is great because while I do respect everyone's opinion sometimes other people's reasoning for why they don't like it make me aggravated.  One that I read just yesterday that sparked this in me was this article about the couple in Australia who said they will divorce if marriage equality passes there.  I don't understand how that is going to help anything, unless it just makes you feel better, but honestly all you are going to do is being raising the already high divorce rate of heterosexuals, so good job!

Also there are just so many other articles out there that have to do with people of other orientations other than straight showing how they are put through such a struggle all of the time because they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, etc. Both with people who are famous and everyday people.

Example
Example
Example
Example

Some of the things I see online are so ridiculous that I don't even know what to think.

I do think we are moving toward it being legalized in at least most places.  I mean there are already multiple countries around the world where same-sex marriage is legal or at least is recognized as well as there being many states in the United States where it is legal or at least recognized.  So, we are moving the right direction even if there are still people who don't want it to happen.  I don't think there is any way of stopping it, more and more people are becoming more open minded about it or realizing that it isn't going to change their own marriages.  You don't have to be LGBTQ to want this for others, that's not a requirement. 

I just want to see a difference be made, I wand to see everyone be able to make their own decision on who they want to marry and be able to be in love with whoever they want to be without there being a ban telling them that they don't have the same rights as someone else just because they love someone who is the same gender.  That's not the right way to bring peace and organization to a country or anywhere for that matter. 

Let's work on this to make a difference and help spread awareness so maybe less hatred will shown towards other people.  Also, think about your words before you speak because you just never know who you have around you listening.

“There are people who have said that I’m being brave for being openly supportive of gay marriage, gay adoption, basically of gay rights but with all due respect I humbly dissent, I’m not being brave, I’m being a decent human being. And I don’t think I should receive an award for that or for merely stating what I believe to be true, that love is a human experience not a political statement. However, I acknowledge that sadly we live in a world where not everybody feels the same. My family and I will help the good fight continue until that long awaited moment arrives, when our rights are equal and when the political limits on love have been smashed.” - Anne Hathaway