June 20, 2015;

The other day I was talking to one of my best friends about a Halloween costume which led to me saying something about probably not needing one this year because I was most likely going to a concert.  This led him to say that I'm always going to a concert and my only response was because they make me happy.

This made me think though. I thought about all the concerts I've been to - which is enough that I can't count them on both of my hands. The amount of money that I, my friends, my boyfriend at the time, or my family has spent on the tickets and transportation to get me to these said concert venues. It made me think about what else that money could have bought me. what material things I could have had if I hadn't gone to those concerts.

Also though, it made me think of the experiences I have gained from the concerts. The car rides with friends where I've laughed and talked about so many things both to and from. Screaming at the top of my lungs either at the end of a song or lyrics to said song. Meeting new people who are now some of my best friends. Meeting members of bands who I've loved for years, getting signatures, pictures, hugs, and even having conversations with them at times. It was at a concert that I fell in love with the work that To Write Love On Her Arms does. It was at a concert where I really first realized that it was okay to be myself.

Then I think about the feeling that concerts give me. They really do make me happy. They make me feel alive. They make me feel accepted. I know that I'm a part of a fan base that also lives for the music we are listening to. When I'm in a crowd my claustrophobia doesn't kick in like it does in other crammed spaces or areas. I feel like I can breathe better in the environments of being surrounded by people who love music like I do.

And thinking about experience verses material objects I realize that all the money which has been spent on me going to concerts outweighs all the material objects I could have ever laid my hands on. It may be difficult for some people to understand that but that's okay that's just their way of living. I know that some people value the idea of things, but I value the idea of experiences. The idea of travel and concerts and shows and charity work. I would much rather have a memory and maybe a picture to show it all here or there than have some item which I may keep for some amount of time, but may not last forever. The memories will last, at least until I start to forget everything because of some other cause.

So would I trade all my experiences? Never. Am I okay with that? Absolutely.

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink the wild air." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

June 11, 2015;

This post is going to be something that with some people out there is a very controversial subject to express, but it is something I believe in so I'm going to do it.

As you may or may not know June is LGBT Pride Month.  If you know me, you would know that I very much am in support of marriage equality and I hope that before too long everywhere will recognize same-sex marriage especially in the United States, just because I live here and I have friends who are in same-sex relationships, and I fully believe that everyone deserves to be treated with the same respects and that everyone should be allowed to get married because same-sex marriage to me is just marriage.  We don't call it opposite-sex marriage, and I think that we should stop. 

I think that this is something that I surround myself with the people who agree with my beliefs and also believe in it as well which is great because while I do respect everyone's opinion sometimes other people's reasoning for why they don't like it make me aggravated.  One that I read just yesterday that sparked this in me was this article about the couple in Australia who said they will divorce if marriage equality passes there.  I don't understand how that is going to help anything, unless it just makes you feel better, but honestly all you are going to do is being raising the already high divorce rate of heterosexuals, so good job!

Also there are just so many other articles out there that have to do with people of other orientations other than straight showing how they are put through such a struggle all of the time because they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, etc. Both with people who are famous and everyday people.

Example
Example
Example
Example

Some of the things I see online are so ridiculous that I don't even know what to think.

I do think we are moving toward it being legalized in at least most places.  I mean there are already multiple countries around the world where same-sex marriage is legal or at least is recognized as well as there being many states in the United States where it is legal or at least recognized.  So, we are moving the right direction even if there are still people who don't want it to happen.  I don't think there is any way of stopping it, more and more people are becoming more open minded about it or realizing that it isn't going to change their own marriages.  You don't have to be LGBTQ to want this for others, that's not a requirement. 

I just want to see a difference be made, I wand to see everyone be able to make their own decision on who they want to marry and be able to be in love with whoever they want to be without there being a ban telling them that they don't have the same rights as someone else just because they love someone who is the same gender.  That's not the right way to bring peace and organization to a country or anywhere for that matter. 

Let's work on this to make a difference and help spread awareness so maybe less hatred will shown towards other people.  Also, think about your words before you speak because you just never know who you have around you listening.

“There are people who have said that I’m being brave for being openly supportive of gay marriage, gay adoption, basically of gay rights but with all due respect I humbly dissent, I’m not being brave, I’m being a decent human being. And I don’t think I should receive an award for that or for merely stating what I believe to be true, that love is a human experience not a political statement. However, I acknowledge that sadly we live in a world where not everybody feels the same. My family and I will help the good fight continue until that long awaited moment arrives, when our rights are equal and when the political limits on love have been smashed.” - Anne Hathaway

June 8, 2015;

First off, I didn't mention it in my last post because I was so caught up in the whole TWLOHA thing, which is not a bad thing but I didn't even think about anything else.  Anyway... it is really already June, that doesn't seem right.  Its already been like a month since I got out of classes and I feel like I haven't done much of anything this summer. 

Saying that though it makes me think, what really do I do during the summer? I was working last year and I can't really remember what else I did other than go to Warped Tour. Seriously do I not do anything exciting anymore. 

It has made me think though what were things that I have done in the past which I don't do very often anymore.  One really big thing that I used to do a lot that has slowly stopped happening recently has been taking pictures.  I used to be mad for taking my camera every where that I went, if my camera wasn't strapped across my body and sitting comfortably against my hip then something wasn't right.  I haven't had my camera out since I had my photography class during the spring semester.  I don't know if that has to do with the fact that I lost interest from photography because of having to take so many pictures that I really didn't want to take even though there were so many that I actually really really loved that I took for that class.  I feel like I need to get back into it, but I don't know where to start.  I don't want to just become my twelve year old self taking pictures of my cats and self and other useless things.  I mean yeah, I am not against a picture of your animals or a selfie, because heck I'm more than guilty of both those things. 

But I want to do more.  I want to take pictures that I used to do back when I was taking pictures with my first 365 when I actually was inspired to do something different (not the days when I was in a hurry).  I want to do pictures like I did for my photography class but them be ones that I actually want to take and in my own time not something based on a deadline.  I want to do shoots with people, not even paid ones I don't care about that right now (thought the money would be nice) I just want to do another shoot.  I still want to do a pin-up shoot with someone because I see those pictures all over Pinterest and things and I think that it would be so much fun, but I hit a problem where I don't know who I would do that with. 

Maybe I just need to get back out there and start again.  I just need to come up with ideas and go out and execute them.  I just need to start doing it again.  Hopefully that is something that I will be able to start doing again before this summer is over.  I think that should be a summer goal for me.  Take at least one picture which I am proud of that is unique and not just something that is an everyday idea.  Maybe I will get out there and spell out some words with everyday objects again, even though that was one of the most difficult projects which I did.  Maybe I'll do that and that could be a gift for Christmas for some people again.  Maybe I will be able to do at least another shoot with someone, I don't know who but maybe it'll happen. 

Whatever it is, I just need to get out there and do it.

Have a quote for some inspiration: "The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are." - Unknown

June 4, 2015;

Today my heart is full. 

That's a weird way to start a blog post I know, but everything inside of me today has been good and happy.  I woke up this morning after getting very little sleep and then being woken by loud thunder and not being able to fall back asleep.  Sounds like a FANTASTIC way to start out your day right, yeah not really. 

Besides that rough start I decided to put the book I was currently reading on hold because last Sunday I got my copy of If You Feel Too Much by Jamie Tworkowski.  Now if you have no idea who that is or what that book is then hold on and I'll explain.  Jamie is the founder of the organization To Write Love On Her Arms which represents this:

To Write Love On Her Arms is a non profit movement dedicated to spreading hope and finding help for those suffering with depression, addiction, self-injury, suicide, eating disorders, anxiety, and other mental health issues. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and invest directly into treatment and recovery.

This organization has been with my for almost seven years now.  I bought my first shirt from them at Warped Tour 2008 when I was thirteen years old.  Since then I have learned the message, I have taken part in writing my own Fears vs Dreams, my reasons for why I can't be replaced, and why no one else can play my part. I have grown to love this organization like no other organization I have found.  Their values and beliefs speak true to mine, as a hopeful future counselor.

Now back to the book.  It's a small book, only 182 pages including Author's Note and About The Author, but even being that small normally I have to stop and put it down to do other things and would take at least two days to finish it.  No, not this one.  I finished If You Feel Too Much in less than twelve hours.  It would have been less time but I worked out and made lunch and did dishes and other stuff around the apartment. 

This book filled me with a joy and passion that I have felt before but not recently.  Recently there have been times when I haven't even been sure if I should be going into counseling, if that is my true calling.  This book pulled me back on track and made me realize that helping other people is what I want to do.  It made me remember why I wanted to be a counselor in the first place. 

Another thing it made me do?  It made me look into TWLOHA's internship.  Now, I don't have any money and it is unpaid so that was my big issue.  So, I have started a GoFundMe campaign and I hope to be able to raise the money that I need to raise for this dream and journey.  I will not be even applying until the internship for the summer 2017 has opened so I have time to raise this money.  Please if anyone can help even a donation of $5 or even $1 would be amazing and I would love everyone forever for it. 

Here is the link the the campaign: Click here to donate

Thank you very much for any support I have out there.

May 28, 2015;

So there have been a couple times where I was going to fill everyone in on what has been going on with me, but I never think of it when I get home from work that or I am just completely exhausted.  Now though I don't have to work for another hour and a half almost so I will type it ll up right now!

About two weeks ago, not quite but it will be two weeks on Saturday, I moved into my new apartment.  I don't even know if I mentioned on here that I was going to have to find a new place to live or not, but back at the beginning of April I found out that my lease wasn't going to be renewed where I was living.  That required me to find somewhere else to go and it honestly just lead me to the other side of town. I am paying a little bit more rent but my kitty is able to live here with me as well and I am glad to be living alone honestly.  I wasn't too sure how I was going to feel about living alone but it is actually really nice and I am in a quiet area of town and don't feel unsafe or anything. 

Lately I have been working A LOT! I was at about 30 hours last week, then this week with two people gone at least four of the five days I am working almost 40 hours which is insane to me.  I have not worked that many hours in a week since I worked at Hardees back in 2013.  I mean the paycheck is going to be BEAUTIFUL, but it is a lot of working which I am not used to.  I am even doing split shifts both today and tomorrow.

Also, Brendan has come to visit me this week, he is sadly leaving tomorrow, but that is okay.  It has been nice to see him even though I have been working every single night that he has been here and only get to spend mornings with him. 

Another thing since I last wrote.  I have now bought tickets to my sixth and seventh shows of the year and I also went to my fourth show on the 23rd.  I bought tickets to see William Beckett and Aaron Gillespie for July 10, and then just today I bought tickets to see Taking Back Sunday and Greek Fire on August 7.  I am super excited about the both of those shows.

Anyway, I went to Pointfest with Hannah on the 23rd of this month.  That was a really great time.  We people watched a lot of the day and then we had pretty decent seats when we went and watched the main bands.  I had to stay the night with her that night because it was so late when we got out.  It was awesome though even though we both got super sunburnt while we were there, mine is finally not hurting which is great. 

I don't really know of much else that has happened, but I am going to try to do better about keeping up to date on stuff going on.

"If you're not willing to risk it all then you don't want it enough." - Anonymous

May 6, 2015;

It has been one day short of a month since the last time that I have posted.  That is because I have just been really really busy with the last month of school. I do have to say something now though... IT IS SUMMER NOW! I finished my last final today at about two today so that was perfect.  I am just so glad to be able to just relax a little now.

Now I just have to think about this summer and work.  Brendan is graduating on Saturday and I don't know how often now I am going to be able to see him now, but we will work it out.  We spent time watching a The Imitation Game tonight.  It was a really good movie and I'm glad that we decided to pick that movie to watch tonight. 

I don't really know what else I have done lately because really all that I ever do and have done in the last month is go to school and go to work.  It is seriously just a been a constant thing for the last month or more.  I have been doing also is watching Parks and Recreation... A LOT!

Anyway, I have nothing else to say because I'm lame.  Hopefully my next post will be better...

"Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see." - Mark Twain

April 7, 2015;

I'm going to start this off by saying that right now stress is still pretty high for me.  A few more things have been coming up and I am just starting to look at a few different options that I don't know if I will be able to do or not. 

The biggest one is the idea of where I am going to live next year.  I have been stressing over who  am going to live with and it still just is not yielding any sort of response.  So lately I have been thinking about something completely different.  I am thinking about moving back into the apartment where I lived when I was still married because I could be alone and I could have my cats.  The problem with that idea though is the fact that the apartments themselves really aren't that great, but honestly it might be better than not having anywhere to go at all.  I also canceled two of my subscription boxes because I was thinking that I will need a little bit of extra money if I am going to move there, plus I really do need the extra money even if I don't move and maybe I will subscribe again in the future when I have more money.

So, that is something that I am having to think about right now.  Also the end of the semester is coming up and so everything school wise is starting to become a bigger mess.  I know that I will make it through all of it and come out in a good place at the end, but still its a mess.

Really there isn't much else going on right now with anything and I didn't really have anything else to talk about so I guess that this is all I have to put today.  Quote time!

"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how its supposed to be." - Anonymous